How long will I break til I shatter??

First week of school is finished! I'm so happy, a lot more work than I had originally anticipated. It will all pay off in the end though.

As far as my classes go I only have two this semester, but I'm really happy that I only took two just to ease into things. I have Business Math and Psychology. My math teacher, he is extremely mono-toned and really dull. So in order to stay awake I have taken THE most detailed notes I've ever taken in my life. On the other hand, my psychology class is amazing. The teacher really relates to us and he's really very entertaining. Granted I do a lot of homework with notes and everything, but that's just because I really want to do well.

In the news today, I heard about the plane crash in NYC it was on it's way to North Carolina and apparently it hit a flock of geese. I know I shouldn't laugh but, the circumstance is quite funny. Although it is not certain or has been verified many spectators say that most if not all survived.

Things have definitely been getting better, or at least I like to think so. There are just somedays where I just get really down on myself. I'm sure we all have days like that. A few weeks ago I was feeling like this for like days at a time. I think I found the solution to that, and have corrected the problem. I am much happier, and I feel like people genuinly care for me, and care that I'm actually. I'm not trying to be or soud emo. PINKIE PROMISE. At least things seem to be getting better. And that's all I can really ask for.

If you have ever watched my YouTube channel you will have seen me ranting about the weather. Mainly the fact that is was in the upper 60's and lower 70's. This week all of that changed dramatically. The current temperature is 10 degrees... with a windchill of -2. Even though it's really cold... really really cold. I like this weather. The fact that I can come home sit on the couch with my blanky and some hot chocolate and just watch a movie or TV, that just sounds so enticing. And since the "Snuggie" info-mercials have been airing... evertime I see that, I think I NEED one! I know I don't, and I don't have to urge to look like a monk while trying to relax... I guess in the end it's just the comfort of being safe and warm that always makes me feel better.


"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness." ~David Weatherford


-Tracey :D

Where Would I End Up?

Well the thing that has been driving me crazy for the past week or so, has finally been solved. We broke up, but for the most part it was mutual. I think we both just rushed into it. I hope things don't end up like super weird between us. When we were "dating" it was more like we were just friends anyway, so hopefully things don't change.

Upcoming things: SCHOOL. I'm super nervous. What if I have gone retarded, and I don't remember how to do anything, luckily my first class Jessie is with me so that will make it a lot better. Since it's Business Mathematics, we can totally help each other. The other class I am taking is Psychology I'm excited about that one, I don't think I'll have too much of a problem with that. I took a Psychology class my senior year and I really enjoyed it.

The past few months I have been questioning not just my religion but religion in general. I do believe there is a God, and Heaven and Hell. So I guess I'm technically questioning how exactly, and what determines where you will eventually end up. I have a really hard time believing that if God as great and as powerful as he is that he would send someone who was a morally good person, someone who never did anything wrong, and was a good person at heart but didn't always attend church, that he would send them into the burning abyss that is hell. I just can't picture that. I guess I have some "soul searching" to do.

Off of my religion soap box.

"If we only have the will to walk, then God is pleased with our stumbles." ~ C S Lewis


-Tracey :D

I Get By With A little Help From My Friends

Well these past two days have been pretty much amazing! For once I'm not even being sarcastic.

Tuesday night Jessie and I left to go visit our friend Ellerie, we all graduated together and not to mention she is freaking awesome and she can draw like no other. Ellerie moved away about a year ago. We got there around 9:00 pm. And of course the first thing we did was hug everyone! One of their family friends had also come into town to visit. He showed us (Ellerie, Andy, Jessie, and myself) some wicked awesome dance moves. For your information I am a terrible dancer. I ended up dancing with Ellerie's brother, it wasn't so bad but dancing is definitely not my cup of tea. Wednesday Jessie made Italian meatballs and spaghetti and of course quite possibly the best garlic bread I have had my entire life. That night we played board games, Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution, as well as talked a lot. They really helped to open my eyes about quite a few things that had been bothering me. Of course, I must repeat Ellerie's profound words, "Punch them in the face and tell them to shut the fuck up."

I am glad to be back home though. It was nice, but nothing is better than my own bed, in my own room.

I can't believe I start school on Tuesday, I'm nervous and excited. At least I have Jessie with me in my first class thank goodness!

"I get by with a little help from my friends," ~ John Lennon


-Tracey :D

Melodramatic??

So I've had somethings on my mind lately, recently about a boy obviously and most of you who may be reading this know what I'm talking about.

So I finally told him last night kind of how I was feeling. I told him that It seemed to me that, the way he was acting, he didn't want to be in this relationship with me. I know that he's been working a lot, and his living situation has changed greatly, but is it to much to ask for like a 5 minute phone call at least, or even a text message: one that he actually replies to? I don't know. Maybe I am just overreacting. I'm not saying I want to be a "Nicki" haha (inside joke) but to be acknowledged would be nice. If you have any advice please leave me a comment, it would be greatly appreciated.

Anyway, now that I've gotten that off my chest. On to something, a little happier, or at least just a change of subject!

So yesterday was fun. I hung out with my bestie, we watched a girly movie, spent some quality time messing with people in a skype conference that was definitely the highlight of my day. Who knew forigen people could be so entertaining. Basically what we did was, We would start chatting with someone, and convince them to call us (via Skype) and we would talk dirty to them, and just mess with them. Then we got my friend April in on the converstation too. We all pretended we were bi-sexuals we would get these guys all riled up and then start asking them if they could have all of us at once, would they be willing to have anal sex with another guy. It was so funny. One guy actually masturbated while on Skype with us... seriously it lasted 30 seconds, it was pathetic. This same guy also sent us two pictures of his penis. I think was either lubed up or he was waxing it with turtle wax becuase it was extremely shiney... and weirdly shiney at that. To make a long story short yesterday was a good day.

"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough." ~Ann Landers

-Tracey :D

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Ughh... I woke up this morning and I felt like crap. Well I still do feel really crappy. I'm tired, my throat hurts, and I'm really achy.

So since I woke up this way of course I didn't go "Kick it with Jesus" as my usual Sunday ritual. But instead spent all day on the couch: reading, watching movies, and TV, and of course my mommy made me soup. How much better could my day get!! Though I do still feel significantly better from this morning so that's good!

I talked to Jessie today... well texted, because lets face it texting is the new language. Everyone uses it, and it's probably not the best way to communicate, especially in relationships, but that's another story I really don't want to get into right now, but texting is extremely convenient and isn't that what our society is made up of. Convenice? Now to get off of my soap box. She wants me to go visit our friend Ellerie this week. We would leave on Monday afternoon, and come back on Wednesday. I'm totally up for it! And I think my mom is actually going to let me go, so WOOT! Hopefully spending this time with Jessie and Ellerie will help me take my mind off of certain problems and things that have been weighing on my mind, or at least help me decide what I should do in this situation.

Although I am happy. :) I posted a YouTube video yesterday ranting about the weather, and how irritated I was because it was 71 degrees outside. I am happy to report that the current temperature is 28 degrees! I'm pretty sure that there is snow possible in the upcoming forcast! I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed.

"For age is opportunity no less Than youth itself, though in another dress, And as the evening twilight fades away The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day. " ~ Henry Longfellow

-Tracey :D

So today has been a pretty ok day. Can't really complain. Somethings have been on my mind a lot, specifically about one person.

Honestly I still do like him, he has a lot of good qualities, I just wonder sometimes how he really feels about me, whether or not the feeling is mutual. I obviously hope it is. I'm hoping for the best out of this situation. I just really need to talk with him. I know he has been super busy with work and everything, so this could just be me overreacting. Let's face it, we really don't talk all that often so maybe that's just the problem. But we'll see how things work out.

Sometime this week, I need to stop being such a slacker SERIOUSLY. I need to go and pick up my books for school and get all my supplies and all that joyously fun stuff together so I can start school on the right foot. Yes, this will be a challenge for me seeing as I am a huge, huge slacker.

I think that's all I really want to ramble about for today. Until next time my friends.

<3>

First Blog. Beginning of 2009

So this is officially my first blog. Yay! I guess this was a good way to start off the year of 2009. Now to add another item to my internet addiction list. :D

For 2009 I hope a lot of things, and good things at that happen. I start school at Ozarks Technical Community College on January 13th. I'm super excited! I've decided to pursue a degree in Culinary Arts specifically in Pastry. During 2008 I was obsessed with cooking and learning new things. I just hope I can do a good job with it.

I'm going to try my best and blog everyday... as long as I don't forget.

That's all for today :D

-Tracey